Teaching My Son to Manage His Day.

I don’t know why and how I agreed to spend the first hour of my day with my son. I have worked so hard to get the first hour of my morning fully dedicated to myself. This has been a work in progress and by following Hal Elrods Miracle Morning technique, I have been content with how the rest of my day has been.  It’s that’s hour that fully sets the mood for my day. When my son asked me to join me in the morning for that session, I was quite surprises.  I had gone through a goal setting session with him yesterday and I believe with all the motivation to start off July on the right note, we both woke up at 6:30am ready for the day.

My son is very talkative and I had my worries because I like a peaceful start for the day. Since I had agreed to spend the hour with him, we both happened to have woken up at the same time as our alarms would went off at 6:30am. Before I could say good morning, I gave him a hug alongside a warning, “remember, I don’t like stories in the morning, so please let’s honour that”. By the time we got to the living room, where we would be having our one hour together, he had probably shared 3 stories and there was a second alarm ringing in his room and I had to keep affirming myself that we would safely go through the hour without a fight

Miracle Morning is a very structured sort of ritual. It has six steps that fall under the acronym SAVERS. These are Silence, Affirmations, Visualisation, Exercise, Reading and Scribing. As I was doing my silence bit which is prayer, my son was already on the laptop watching something with no headphones on. This was so distracting, and I had to wait for him to finish before I could proceed. I however decided to stop and asked him why he wanted to wake up early and the response was that I had promised to work out with him. Oh well! That was part of my miracle morning ritual and I had agreed to exercise with him as he is a great accountability partner.

I decided to take him through the SAVERS acronym by breaking it down to something he would understand. That meant he would use my ritual as his guide too, but we agreed to move the exercise bit to the end of the session as we could have fun while doing it.

What really stood out for me as I went through the session was the affirmations bit. As I explained to him on why it was beneficial to have positive affirmations to start off his day, I watched his face brighten up. It’s one of those items I will highly recommend every parent and guardian to explore with their child or children. We wrote down a few affirmations in his journal and they all began with the words “I am…”. Affirming a child helps build their confidence, however, teaching them to affirm themselves could be the most powerful tool in building their self-confidence.

At this point, I realised that my morning had actually turned out the way it did for just this one item to happen, teach my child how to manage his day. This lesson that would make my son believe in himself more, build his confidence and overall have a growth mindset that I may not have achieved in any other way.

By the time we got to review the visualisation bit, we were so in sync. I felt like my son had grown in leaps and bounds in just a few minutes. Having made annual vision boards, this went far beyond what I expected. I had asked him to close his eyes and visualise what he really wanted and right there, I learnt a big lesson on being specific. He had been wanting a specific gadget and he drilled down all the way to the brand and colour.

One thing this season is teaching me is that Pandemics are seasons of pain, but they are seasons of learning too. Today may be one of the most productive morning I have had. It did not start as I had planned but it definitely ended up better that I would have expected. What are you teaching your child or children today? What are you learning from that child?

As we always sign off, If you need guidance and support to sail through this season with courage and come out stronger and better, talk to me!. If I can’t help, I will connect you to someone who can and above all, we will stand in faith and prayer together as we trust the God who is in-charge.

Share this to encourage someone and get more encouragement by following my blog here and liking my Facebook page here.

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Guiding My Son to Set Goals.

Living a balanced life when handling family, employment, university, business and self can easily take a toll on one’s life. Through my coach Joanne Kabiru, I learnt about planning my life around a wheel of life. The wheel of life gives me an overview of my life and I can work on all areas in a balanced way. If you are new to this, a good place to start off is with a free online assessment that helps you identify if your life is out of balance. I have done a random sample in the image above as I wrote this article to demonstrate what you may find.

Doing the assessment periodically, (say every 1^st day of the new month, every birthday or every new year) is a good practice to identify the areas you will be focusing on for that specific cycle. I personally work with two cycles. A monthly cycle, which means I have goals set in each area for every month, and an annual cycle which I use to set annual goals each year on my birthday. I review these goals every new year’s eve. My vision board is now being created and set around my wheel of life to ensure a balance as well as make it easy to work towards a bigger goal, one month at a time.

As I sat to go through my July goals, my 10 year old son asked if he could join because he was bored. I have always assisted my children make their annual vision board for the new year and I give them each a flash card with their name written at the top, the date, which is usually the last week of the year and the year we are setting goals for. I ask each of them to write two to three things they hope to get or achieve in the new year and we use the same to review the progress mid-year and how well we did at the end of the year. Trust me when I say that I have seen them write down anything from the impossible to the scary, but I let it be. Mid – year when we review, I hear them say things like “I can’t believe I wrote that”.”. One thing I have learnt from my coach is to break my goals down and in the last few months of doing so, I am now able to challenge myself better as well as evaluate my milestones more often.

Going back to the session with my son, it was quite an interesting session as we had to first go through what SMART goal setting is. I found a great explanation of smart goals by the corporate finance institute that may guide you. Once we were done with the understanding, we modified some of the topics on the wheel of life just so that it connected more with him. The sections we have for him are; Spiritual life, Family and friends, Sports and Health, New learnings, Fun and Money.  When we got to the money part, he got me sucked into his goal by promising to clean up the house daily and I would pay him. I am glad because an extra hand goes a long way and he set the goal on the amount of money he would want to make. After some negotiations, we settled on a realistic amount and even went ahead and created a job description which has a clause on contract termination if any single day of work is skipped. That’s the only way I can get him to balance the money and fun sections. Despite all that, I consulted my amazing friend Shyro who always has amazing tips about various crucial topics and I now need to rethink the repayment as house chores should be every house members’ responsibility and I should be rewarding for values and lessons my son learns while doing the chores, that way he takes the pay as a reward for lessons learnt. On the health section, he also needed my participation and we agreed to have a 10-20min exercise session with him daily. Luckily, that aligned with mine too and what I know with him, he will be a good accountability partner.

My lesson doing this with him is that no one is too young to start working on their goals. In a very simple session, we were able to cover 3 areas I would never have intentionally reviewed with him which are, Life balance, Smart goals and Job descriptions. Every moment we sit with our children or loved ones is an opportunity to learn from them or teach them. What lessons are you teaching your children, nephews, nieces, godchildren today? Do you want to try and help them make some goals for the new months? Come on. You can do it.

As we always sign off, If you need guidance and support to sail through this season with courage and come out stronger and better, talk to me!. If I can’t help, I will connect you to someone who can and above all, we will stand in faith and prayer together as we trust the God who is in-charge.

Share this to encourage someone and get more encouragement by following my blog here and liking my Facebook page here.

I Will Try Again Tomorrow.

Covid 19 Pandemic seems to be here to stay. We are slowly accepting the new normal, as economies that closed as part of their containment measures slowly reopen or consider reopening. Sadly though, livelihoods have been changed. Some for the better, some for the worse. I decided to watch the news today and I ended up regretting why I did so. There is already so much sadness in the world to keep looking for more in the name of news. A 42 year old lady had poisoned her children and gone into hiding. Apparently, she had recently lost her job due to Covid 19. My mind immediately went to work as I tried to figure out what had driven her to that. Was she alone? Were they hungry or maybe at risk of losing their home? Did anything happen that pushed her to do this? Why did she not eat the poison alongside her innocent children? Did anyone force her to do it? I had all these questions running through my head and hopefully, I can be able to follow the story in the coming days and really understand the true story and what the real motive or cause of death was for those innocent souls.

This however got me thinking about the state of life during this pandemic. The many people who have lost their jobs, have been furloughed, have shut the doors to their businesses, and have been locked out of their homes. There are so many things that are happening as everyone works to put some basic necessities on the table. If you ask those around you to share the pain they have had to go through due to the pandemic, you will receive a lot of feedback.

On the flip side, something else is happening, a new sense of self awareness. A realisation about who we are and what matters most in our lives. I want to discuss this today. There is a category of people whose lives are forever changed for the better by this Pandemic. These are the people that have suddenly accepted that there has been a shift and been courageous enough to shift with the tide. I remember starting a class around April and asking my students to list down their goals and daily actions. One of the items for those who were looking for employment was to consistently show up every day and send out a personalised resume to a company or organisation that had either advertised or they felt related to their skillset or passion.  What I have noticed with such exercises is that one can easily give up when they get a regret letter after all the time they spent personalising the resume. In most cases, a few turn to sending a generic resume to all the organisations and of course, they get more frustrated. There is however that one person that gets that regret letter and with their head held up high, wakes up the next morning and spends an extra ten minutes figuring out what they could have done better. That is what I call courage.

If any of your doors have been closed today, be it employment or business, it is not the time to give up. As long as you are alive and breathing, you still have a great purpose to fulfil in this life. Be like that shop owner, who opens up their doors every morning, dusts every product on their shelves and mops the floor, not sure if anyone will come through the door and buy any item. Some days may be good while some days may be bad, but either way, don’t shut your door. Keep knocking, renew that passion, get online and see how you can monetize your skills, talents and passion. See what you can learn from a friend or online. And if nothing works in your favour today, take a break and rest well tonight, because, tomorrow will be a better day and you will try again.

As we always sign off, If you need guidance and support to sail through this season with courage and come out stronger and better, talk to me!. If I can’t help, I will connect you to someone who can and above all, we will stand in faith and prayer together as we trust the God who is in-charge.

Share this to encourage someone and get more encouragement by following my blog here and liking my Facebook page here.

It’s Now or Never.

My now is the greatest gift I could ever receive. I look all around me and I have several   reasons to complain, to cry, to hold pity parties for myself and to just look down and feel sorry for myself. I however, have tens of thousands of reasons to be grateful, especially for the NOW, the present (gift) moment that some people have not had an opportunity to see.

How many times do we find ourselves planning so far ahead that we miss out on the present? That we forget what we have at this time, the gift of life, the gift of family, the gift of peace in the nations we live in? We plan for the big house we intend to build and forget the small, warm, cozy home that we are blessed with. We plan to increase our wardrobes and feel sad that we are not up to the level we expect to be at, and we forget the comfortable pair of shoes and the warm clothes that have taken us through the cold season. We want more every day, we get lost in the wanting and dreaming, and we forget to enjoy the little or the much we have today.

I have watched parents and guardians make so many future plans for their children. I am a great planner myself and will do whatever it takes to give my children the best, therefore I am not against this. My question is always about the now. If you give the best for tomorrow and miss out the best for today, you have missed it all. Children for instance, grow everyday, and any moment missed can never be replaced with money or spending extra time with them.

We have lost that human appreciation, we do not appreciate those close to us now, we wait for their death, and shop for the most fresh variety  of flowers and coloured ribbons to decorate their grave. A parent, child or grandparent that never received a single flower while alive gets all sorts of flowers on their grave. I look at all manner of photos in social media platforms, in peoples living room walls  or on their desks, and you can clearly tell that time and money was spent to have a family photo session. However, when you dig deeper and look beyond the smiles, you may be shocked to learn that the children have no memory of spending time with the very same parents or guardians, because they are too busy building their careers or attending evening classes.

We have all lost the value of the now. We have lost the gift of the only moment that we are assured of. Covid 19 has in a way tried to reset our lives, by taking us back to the basics. Parents are home with their children, children are home with their parents. Airways and byways have been closed, we must build on what we have. Governments are forced to look within and see the gaps in the healthcare sector, the manufacturing sector and the education sector.

With the world on lockdown, it’s time we take a moment and look at our own lives. What are we missing out on today that can never be recovered? Is it time set aside for God, for “me”, for my children, for my family, for my aging parents, for my studies, for my health, for my neighbours, for my friends? There is so much to do now. Be present in your today, in your now, and leave the rest to God. Because He (God) lives, I can face tomorrow. That’s the assurance I need, to live for the now, and leave the rest to God.

As we always sign off, If you need guidance and support to sail through this season with courage and come out stronger and better, talk to me!. If I can’t help, I will connect you to someone who can and above all, we will stand in faith and prayer together as we trust the God who is in-charge.

Share this to encourage someone and get more encouragement by following my blog here and liking my Facebook page here.

An Attitude of Gratitude

The news on Television, radio and online platforms will not get any better. Don’t look at that expecting to be happy by what you see or hear. You need to look inside of you. The Bible in Matthew 12:34b talks about what comes out of our mouth being what is in your heart. You find a very bitter person who never minces his words when insulting anyone who crosses his path and you can instantly tell what his heart is full of. You find a kind hearted front line staff in an organisation and you can clearly tell that they are not like that because of training but it’s because of something that’s within them.

In Proverbs 4:23 we are reminded that “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” When I look all around me right now, I have a reason to complain and ask questions but often time, because of what I have fed my heart, I am stopped in my tracks and out flows gratitude.

This week has been filled with many things. A great friend sent me message listing all the reasons why they were angry and bitter with life. They had lost their job due to Covid 19, they had no savings or investments and they had no business. I looked at the message and I really felt sad and I remembered my friend’s life over the years. I could write a whole book about the achievements in their life. Brought up in a great family, attended some of the best schools in Kenya, had amazing jobs and businesses, travelled to dream locations, dated amazing people along the way and bore a lovely child. There was so so much to be grateful for but all that, had suddenly been lost in that moment of questioning their value at this time. My response was not as compassionate and I asked if maybe they could list about ten reasons they were grateful and I offered to start them off with the first three and each statement was to be like an affirmation starting with “I am grateful for xxxx”. Having been friends for over 20 years, this is a person I know very well and I can list so many ways in which they are blessed. These blessings from where I stand, far outweigh this season they are currently in. The response I got was, “J, I am not in a mood for games”. I called immediately and shared my own experience to try and encourage them and help put their situation in context. I empathised with the pit of desperation and hopelessness they are in in at the moment until I felt that somehow we were on the same page. Today, that same friend sent me a text to tell me that they wish they would have been there for me more in this season. That was after a realisation that despite not having the same situations, I was also going through a lot but my attitude about the situation was very different.

In a season of pain and suffering, I have learnt that gratitude is a great anchor. In moments when your pain and suffering is beyond you, when the bank account is empty and friends no longer pick up your calls; gratitude is a great curtain raiser for happiness and restoration. What you feed yourself grows, what you water grows. I am so proud of some young adults that call me mom. They are not my birth children but God brought them my way in various jobs, Richie, Makau, Joel, Merylyne just represent an amazing generation of young people, who have made an intentional decision to sow seeds of greatness and positivity in them. I have watched some of their journeys and with no one to push them, God and a heart of gratitude has brought them so far and it is just a warm up of how much farther they will go. One of these amazing souls called me today to celebrate having got a new job and we rejoiced because we had always said that even during this pandemic, God will still open doors for employment and businesses to thrive. God loves a grateful heart, and people want to be surrounded by others who are grateful. You must be intentional on what you feed your heart, feed it with horror and you shall reap revenge and suspicion, feed it with love and gratitude and you shall reap the same.

I challenge you today to write 10 reasons you are grateful. Start every sentence with “I am grateful for “. An example could be, “I am grateful for having had 4 months to spend with my children due to Covid 19”, Think twice and turn each of your worries today to a positive affirmation. Read those 10 affirmations everyday you wake up and watch your life take a turn that you never expected. Watch God grant you exceedingly, abundantly, above all you can think or imagine, according to the power that is at work within you.

As we always sign off, If you need guidance and support to sail through this season with courage and come out stronger and better, talk to me!. If I can’t help, I will connect you to someone who can and above all, we will stand in faith and prayer together as we trust the God who is in-charge.

Share this to encourage someone and get more encouragement by following my blog here and liking my Facebook page here.

Who Is Your Childs’ Influencer?

I am used to getting a very loud welcome in the evenings as I walk through the doors of my house, on the days that I am not working from home. Today was different. My loudest child, for lack of a better word, is 8 years old. She has an amazing personality and is so full of confidence. Our home, and indeed our lives, are filled with her pleasant and undeniable presence. If she’s not talking, she’s singing or dancing or laughing. Her presence is hard to ignore. The house is quiet when she is asleep and we have learnt to live with the fact that the house is only quiet when she is asleep. As I walked in this evening, it was obvious that she must be asleep. I assumed she had played so much during the day with her brother and her cousin and had decided to sleep early. 

I remember her asking  me earlier in the day before I left the house if she could fast, and I mentioned to her that maybe we could do it together for a few hours over the weekend. She is that child who eats at all times so this caught me off guard. I figured she would have forgotten the whole story by Saturday and we would be on to another topic. Turns out, she had decided to fast for the day and had asked her grandma (my mom) to be her accountability partner. That was probably the sweetest thing that I had heard the whole week. I only learnt about fasting in my 20’s and never really got to try it until I was in my 30’s. I realised that apart from learning from my words, she had been monitoring me closely on the days I would fast and pray over certain issues. Whenever I fasted, she would only find out during meal times when there was no plate set aside for me. Her first question during such days would be, “Mom, are you fasting” , and I would answer to the affirmative. Her father and 10 year old brother had also picked on the fasting and she must have felt left out. One thing I have learnt in my Christian journey is that you can only influence through example but it is wrong to push your spiritual beliefs down anyone’s’ throats. I wanted my children to know God and enjoy that personal relationship with Him without enforcing it as a family rule. This  was therefore a big milestone for me as she must have decided that it was time she tested this whole fasting thing for herself.

As a Christian family, fasting for us is one way we exercise our faith. When we have something significant we are trusting God for, we encourage fasting. Fasting is not just the self-deprivation of food or something else, it is a spiritual discipline that helps us focus on God. The time we would normally spend eating is now time we spend praying, worshipping, and meditating on God’s word. We have seen God work when we have prayed and fasted. The first time my 10 year old son fasted, he wholeheartedly believed that God would answer his prayer and true to his faith, God did.

As a Christian mom whose prayer it is to be a positive influencer of faith, my pride and joy is knowing that the influence is first in the fruits of my womb. A whole generation can be impacted by the things we do more than the words we speak. Watching my children as we did our Bible study this evening was so overwhelming. The knowledge that there is a seed I am planting in both of them that can only take the leading of the Holy Spirit to accomplish is humbling. It also made me realize that they are watching every action and listening to every word that I speak.

What have you seen your child or children do lately that impressed you or made you angry? Maybe it’s time to take a step back and look at your own life. You are the greatest influencer in the lives of your children and nothing can take away the lessons you teach them when they are young. The Bible is clear in Proverbs 22:6 on teaching a child the way that they should go and when they are old, they will not turn from it.

We all have our different ways of parenting, whichever way you choose, remember you are the first  influencer in your child or childrens lives.

As we always sign off, If you need guidance and support to sail through this season with courage and come out stronger and better, talk to me!. If I can’t help, I will connect you to someone who can and above all, we will stand in faith and prayer together as we trust the God who is in-charge.

Share this to encourage someone and get more encouragement by following my blog here and liking my Facebook page here.

He Gave Me Beauty For Ashes.

Songs speak to me in all season and at all times. I could be going through the toughest season but because of the words that I feed on and allow to influence my spirit, what flows out of me is often a complete opposite of what is really happening. Songs, and especially Godly inspired songs, have a way of soothing my soul. I have no favourite or me it’s all about the message. I remember going through a tough season of post-natal depression, At that time, it hit me hard that I had two young kids and no idea how to be a parent. A native gospel song got me through that season and I came out stronger and more courageous. Looking back, I really don’t know what other way I would have sailed through. God used a song to get me through that season.

Music is therapeutic in so many ways, and for me, the depth of the words especially in select gospel songs has always helped me to turn many of my situations around. Sometimes I don’t even realize what is happening until I find myself listening to the same song over and over and I suddenly realize that I’m in a new season of my life and I take stock of what stage of that season I am in – whether it’s beginning, ending or about to end. In short, my choice of music has always influenced my seasons. This is something I have also found in my children. I still don’t understand their reasoning behind it, but it has always been native gospel songs that are neither from my “native tongue” or their fathers, so it’s a strange phenomenon as they will pronounce the words in the exact accent, yet with no clear understanding of the meaning. Interestingly, the close friends and family members who have heard them during such times have confessed to being ministered to by the words as they sing them out confidently.

As I journey in this season of asking God to set me aside for His service, I have no shame in declaring that I am nothing without Jesus Christ. During this season, Elevation Worship has been a great connection to my testimony and my journey. Courtesy of LyricFind, I am able to find lyrics to their songs. My song for this season is Graves into Garden. A true testimony of what it has been like walking a journey of faith – from someone who may have been dismissed as not being serious in life, to knowing who I am in Christ and staying grounded in that.

I searched the world, But it couldn’t fill me
Man’s empty praise, and treasures that fade
Are never enough. Then You came along, And put me back together
And every desire is now satisfied, Here in Your love (hey)

Oh, there’s nothing better than You, There’s nothing better than You
Lord, there’s nothing, Nothing is better than You
(Oh, yes I know it’s true), (Come on, tell ’em, hey)

I’m not afraid, To show You my weakness
My failures and flaws, Lord, You’ve seen them all
And You still call me friend, ‘Cause the God of the mountain
Is the God of the valley, There’s not a place Your mercy and grace
Won’t find me again

Oh, there’s nothing better than You, There’s nothing better than You
Lord, there’s nothing, Nothing is better than You
(I know it’s true), Oh, there’s nothing (somebody testify) better than You
Oh, there’s nothing better than You, Lord, there’s nothing
Nothing is better than You

You turn mourning to dancing, You give beauty for ashes
You turn shame into glory, You’re the only one who can (come on)
You turn mourning to dancing, You give beauty for ashes
You turn shame into glory (tell ’em now)
You’re the only one who can

You turn graves into garden, You turn bones into armies
You turn seas into highways, You’re the only one who can (please sing for me)
You’re the only one who can

Oh, there’s nothing (come on choir) better than You
Oh, there’s nothing better than You, Lord, there’s nothing
Nothing is better than You (search and I found), Oh, there’s nothing better than You
Oh, there’s nothing (nothing) better than You

Lord, there’s nothing, Nothing is better than You

You turn graves into gardens, You turn bones into armies
You turn seas into highways, You’re the only one who can
You turn graves into gardens, You turn bones into armies
You turn seas into highways, You’re the only one who can
You’re the only one who can, You’re the only one who can

You turn mourning to dancing, You give beauty for ashes
You turn shame into glory, You’re the only one who can
You turn graves into gardens, You turn bones into armies
You turn seas into highways, You’re the only one who can
You turn graves into gardens, You turn bones into armies
You turn seas into highways, You’re the only one who can

You’re the only one who can, You’re the only one who can
Jesus, you’re the only one Come on, give ’em one more shot of praise

As we always sign off, If you need guidance and support to sail through this season with courage and come out stronger and better, talk to me!. If I can’t help, I will connect you to someone who can and above all, we will stand in faith and prayer together as we trust the God who is in-charge.

Share this to encourage someone and get more encouragement by following my blog here and liking my Facebook page here.

Real Love Grows.

I have been very privileged to meet amazing people in my life. To be surrounded by the warmth of people who love and appreciate me just as I am. However, allow me to put all that aside today and talk about my friend, a very dear friend that I will call Amy. Amy has been through many seasons of love growing up. That’s the best way I can describe the rocky memories, the sweet memories and the bitter memories she has experienced in her love life. One day as a teenager, a young boy named David who was her classmate in college decided to stalk her home. Typical of teenagers trying to get a hang of their feelings, David confessed his escapades to Amy the next day. That was the beginning of their journey of over twenty one years as friends.

When I met Amy and asked about David, she had a lot to share. Life had given them both their fair share of ups and downs but for some reason, there was always a connecting factor that would re-unite them. It’s a friendship I had admired over the years but I did not really understand why they had wasted so many years apart.  They had been born 12 days apart and that also seemed to be one of the many similar events around them. They had both had children with other people and although they had fought hard to preserve their marriages, they were now each raising their children as single parents.

The similarities were just too many to ignore and we sat analysing the coincidences which in my world I call “God’s plan”. When I met Amy today, she wanted my input on whether God was in the whole picture of her life and especially pertaining to her happiness and to settling down in marriage as she was not getting any younger. David seemed to be the perfect fit given that they both knew each other well enough and their families knew about their lifelong friendship. My response was a resounding “Of course. God is involved in all our public and private issues”, but I knew Amy wanted to hear more than that. She wanted my affirmation that David was her lifelong soul mate, the one that God had kept aside for her. I have watched them over the years run to each other when things were bad and then go back to their comfort zones when “normalcy” returned, but everything seems to have changed at this point as David has expressed his intentions to spend the rest of his life with Amy. That is the clarity Amy needed from me. I am not a counsellor and these are things I would normally push to Coach Joanne, but with all the faith Amy had in my response, I gave her my sincere thoughts and this got me really thinking about their lives and so many in their situation today.

How often have you made a decision that when you look back, avoiding that path may have saved you so much pain and heartache? I am talking about relationship mistakes here. You do not go after what you really want and are instead swayed by factors that may not be permanent. We get into a train or bus or plane or taxi with a vision of where we are heading to with a vision of our final destination. Yet we get into relationships with no idea of where our destination should be. Imagine 21 years of running around and making all sorts of mistakes, only to come to a realisation that they should have settled together. I remember going through a study session with my two friends Dr Matilda and Dr Damaris and in one of the books we are studying, it talked about how easy it would be to get off a train if you realised it was heading the wrong direction as opposed to getting to a place of no return.

Wisdom dictates that some decisions are very personal and only God can grant us the real direction and discernment on what train we need to take and at what point we need to alight. That was the answer I gave Amy. She has a choice to make, but that has to be a discussion she needed to have first with her father God. Meanwhile, I would be starting off an exercise regime in readiness for her wedding as I am hopeful that whether it is David or someone else that Father God has in store for her, the one promise from God is that He has good plans for my friend Amy, and with her deep desire to walk down the aisle with a man she loves and who truly loves her and her children, I will by faith support her by losing some extra weight to fit into a beautiful dress to celebrate with her. Just like Lazarus sisters carried faith for his life despite all odds being against them, I will carry the same faith for my friend Amy.

As we always sign off, If you need guidance and support to sail through this season with courage and come out stronger and better, talk to me!. If I can’t help, I will connect you to someone who can and above all, we will stand in faith and prayer together as we trust the God who is in-charge.

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When God Fathers You.

People’s status on Social media platforms was different today. I say that, as I was having a mental comparison between Mother’s day and Father’s day. Ladies I had seen last month wishing their mothers, aunties, sisters and friends a  “Happy Mother’s day”, were suddenly silent today.  I saw a friend question her social media followers if Fathers’ day was just for birth fathers or husbands could be included too. Of course that started off a debate with some people saying that some men could only be called sperm donors as they had not participated in parenting their children, while others believe any man who had sired a child is a father regardless.

What is so clear about this day is that we have a problem. A big problem. One that has been discussed over the years and will continue many years from now. Where are the birth fathers? The fathers who sire their children and move on leaving mothers and grandmothers to raise their sons and daughters as they deem fit. I have attended seminars and trainings and the constant reminder in all those forums is how crucial the role a father plays in a child’s life is. Whether or not that father role is a birth father, adoptive father or even spiritual father.  I will however not discuss any of that today because not all of us have that.  You may have no father because he rested in death, he walked away before or after you were born or while you were growing up, he denied that you were his child and therefore you may not even know who he is or he may just be physically there but emotionally absent.  Those are not the fathers I will discuss today. Neither will I discuss the really amazing dads who are present for their children nor raising children they did not sire (adopted or step children).

I want us to look at a different kind of Father. A Father who has His arms wide open for all of us out here. The Bible says He knew me before I was formed in my mothers’ womb. He is that Father that accepted us even before our earthly fathers knew we would be checking in. He was there to provide for everything I needed before birth, during and even after I was born. Even as I near my 40^th decade, He is the only one that has been there throughout, in my good and bad times, my lows and my highs, my lack and my plenty. He has always been there. I may not have acknowledged Him at all times, but that was not a reason for Him to be angry and walk away, nor was it reason enough for Him to take away a portion of my inheritance. He always and will always stand by me. He has good plans for me. Plans to give me a future and a hope. He has promised to give me exceedingly, abundantly, above all I can think or even imagine. That is my Father God. He picks all my calls, responds to my messages and comforts me when no one can do it. He celebrates with me, stays in the corner with me when I push Him away, waiting for me to raise my head, so he can stretch His hands and help me up. That is my Father God.

I don’t know the relationship you have had with your birth father, but that does not really matter as we talk about this today. If your earthly father is a great man, appreciate him. If he is a bad man that has let you down, forgive him. If he walked away and never contributed to your life, let go. Life has not equalised us on matters mothers, but it has on matters Fathers. You can look up and turn the scripture pages, and all the promises from our Father God are there. Call on Him tonight and watch Him do exceedingly, abundantly, above what any earthly father may have done.

For those who have been hurt by their fathers, it is time to heal, forgive the past hurts  and allow Father God to Father you.

As we always sign off, If you need guidance and support to sail through this season with courage and come out stronger and better, talk to me!. If I can’t help, I will connect you to someone who can and above all, we will stand in faith and prayer together as we trust the God who is in-charge.

Share this to encourage someone and get more encouragement by following my blog here and liking my Facebook page here.

It Is Possible To Live Your Best Life Now.

I don’t know what your goal is and what is on your vision board but if I am to judge my life by the last few months, then it is clear that our goals and visions can easily be distorted by events and occurrences that are beyond our human control.

How then, do we, as human beings stay focused and grounded when faced with adversity or change of plans? One thing that I have learnt from my own experience is that anything can change and that it will change when I least expect it. I remember Caroline Mutoko once saying in her talks that “never arrive”. There is always something bigger and better, if you keep moving. She went to add that, “one good job, one great pay pack, one car, does not arrive make, never ever arrive”.

Let’s first make a clear distinction between settling or arriving and the actual output expected out of you as an individual. Just because you are on a journey does not mean that your best is not expected. In fact, that has been another great lesson when looking at this whole scenario. Think of it this way, a door opens, whether it’s for a promotion, a new friend or business partner, a new job or a skills based class. Think of any opportunity that you have had in the last 12 months and let’s use your story.

The differentiation I need to put in this whole scenario is that when that new door opens, you can either settle or “arrive” and just have that mental lie that whether I under-deliver or over-deliver it will not matter as I am not going anywhere. You can also have a growth mindset whereby you know that no matter what, you are on a journey and you must have a positive impact that your legacy shall live on whether it is in a person, community or environment. That’s my whole essence of talking about never settling and using your own story. It is possible to live out your best life now.

You may not always have all the answers to life problems. You may also not always say the right words that the other person or people need to hear. You can however be intentional enough to understand that the principles of sowing and harvesting are so true in all areas of your life. Spouses or employers may not appreciate you as you deserve, you may be trying out new skills or business ventures and nothing seems to work, but keep at it, keep sowing the right seeds despite the environment, and nurture that seed to the best of your ability. At some point, you may need to understand the kind of soil you are planting in, then you will maybe need to strategize or change course, the goal though is to keep showing up and eventually you shall surely reap a harvest.

And using the analogy of soil, I remember seeing a story on YouTube by Rob Greenfield who needed to get a garden started but the yard area had sandy soil which was not conducive for his project. However, using recycled packaging boxes, wood chips and mulch, he transformed his front yard into a beautiful green space of fresh vegetables and fruits. Not all soils we get will be conducive for the kind of harvest we expect to get, not all bosses will be kind, not every family member or friend or spouse will listen to you and appreciate you, but keep nurturing that soil until that point when you can truly say, I tried and gave my best, then, and only then, is it okay to still walk away and live your best life elsewhere. After all, life only ends when you take your last breath and God takes over.

As we always sign off, If you need guidance and support to sail through this season with courage and come out stronger and better, talk to me!..if I can’t help, I will connect you to someone who can and above all, we will stand in faith and prayer together as we trust the God who is in-charge.

Share this to encourage someone and get more encouragement by following my blog here and liking my facebook page here.