There is often a vacuum that encamps around you every once in a while that no one can fill. You try everything that can calm that storm in your life and nothing seems to work. Today was one of those days when I felt so overcome by grief about loved ones I have lost this year specifically My Mom and Her Dad, My Grandpa. It’s almost seven months now but I have not had such raw emotions as I did today. It’s an overwhelming feeling that tears flow freely and nothing or no words can make it easier. I am grateful for my daughter who for some reason is able to pick some of these moments so fast and as we lay in bed together listening to some music and sharing some good memories through photos, we somehow went through that phase together. The mystery of Birth and Death is one of those things that makes us realise that there truly has to be a greater power that is beyond what we see everyday. No king or human has control over those two. Children are born before or after due date and doctors cant explain, others are still born while others never make it past a few weeks in the womb. On the other hand, death is just unexplainable. It’s a mysterious thief that carries with it our dreams and plans by taking those we love leaving us in denial. I carry thousands of photos and in some with the most amazing people in my family and my circle of friends that I have lost in death.
Why then have such a title for my blog today then start off on death? Well, its that one mystery that makes me want to know where I will end up when my time on earth is done.
Listening to the lyrics of the song come again by Elevation Worship & Maverick City, these words really stood out, “It’s not a building You wanna fill, It’s my heart, This empty space Is what You wanted all along“. It’s amazing that what God expects of us is not always what we give despite knowing the truth and claiming to be His. If you grew up in an environment like mine, Every Sunday you have to make a decision on when and where to go to church and at this time in human history, whether to worship from home or in a church. Living for God has become a ritual not a personal walk. We know the truth but chose the other way. We know what to say in truth and love, but instead chose revenge and competition.
My prayer this Sunday is that we may not so much fill the buildings around us, whether it our churches, mosques, offices, schools, homes or offices with a false sense of security and love but instead fill our hearts with love and compassion for each other that God alone can give. I saw a friend post on their WhatsApp status that we come to the world with nothing and leave with nothing, yet we are so busy in the period in between fighting for things we will not need where we are going or take with us. If that’s not enough reason enough to realise that all we have to give God is our hearts, then nothing else will. We may build bigger churches with beautiful altars or homes with prayer closets, but He needs more, He needs your heart.
Going through social media today and seeing what a friend who was what I would call a church addict had posted was a great eye opener. She mentioned how she had not been in a church building since the Covid 19 pandemic and how she was not planning to go back soon but on the good side, how she had relearnt so much as well as developed a deeper relationship with God.
Her words sank so deep as they spoke so much of my current situation. I live within walking distance to over 12 national headquarters of churches in my country and other religious buildings that includes a Scientology church and a Freemasons hall. If it was about attending a Friday, Saturday or Sunday religious gathering, my options are immense, but one of the things that I have learnt in this season is to trust in God more and seek Him for myself and my family first, and not be ashamed to witness what I learn. The buildings around are there for a purpose and I hope that those serving there as religious leaders irrespective of their beliefs can be good examples in words and deeds. Most of these buildings have become more commercial than places of healing and recovery from the harsh realities of life. Members that give of their time and resources have to pay to enjoy noble services such as weddings and funerals and this is just a small item of what I have experienced so far.
Having been born into a Christian family but surrounded by other religious followers such as believers in Hinduism, Islam and Buddhism, I learnt not to undermine or discredit other beliefs but instead, through the love of Christ and witnessing about Jesus Christ, share my own beliefs. It’s so unfortunate that in some churches today, the message is on how special one group is considered to another, and we forget the most crucial lessons even around this season that the world can be shut down and all doors that thought man had power over become shut, we are left to just look up and say, “ There surely must be a God up there” and maybe this is the season that was set aside to make us slow down, stop the rush and just acknowledge that we needed to walk with Him.
This is the season I have read the Bible for myself, intentionally sought out worship music and sermons that spoke to my spirit about the creator and reconnected on a personal level on who God is and why I need to seek and serve Him more. One thing I can surely say is that, My God liveth and that My family and I shall serve this living God. May we learn to draw closer to Him even as the world changes. May we learn to lean closer and trust Him more even as we question the daily realities of life and above all, May we seek a personal encounter with Him, that will move us from where we are to where He wants us to be. Being away from the church building is not unique today. Paul and the disciples met in houses to pray and fast, we have more reason to do that now more than ever. Let’s start in our Jerusalem (our homes) and let us how we live as families be a testimony to our neighbours and the world as a whole, In Jesus name. Amen
I never stop for a minute to think about how blessed Kenya is as a nation. We have great weather, great food and great people. Nothing passes Kenyans without a meme or trending in all the right places. We have a way of flourishing even in the toughest of situations, a way of finding the bright side in every situation. If we are not getting entertained or trained by Terence creative in search of a soft life, we are looking out for the latest memes as opposed to checking out the news for what’s really happening. It’s actually interesting how memes dictate what’s really happening in Kenya.
This past week saw me stop for a few hours and just enjoy a cool breeze just replaying what a blessing it is to live in Kenya and most of all to be alive at such a time as this. So many beautiful places to visit and such amazing weather throughout the year. The environment around me was not only serene but also the skies were clear. Staying a few meters away from the creek meant that I also had a clear view of either a yatch or a boat sailing by and all I thought of was just making this the perfect time to rewire my mind and life. Being the week that I turned a year older, I was grateful that amidst all the chaos that may be happening around the world, I had the blessing and opportunity to enjoy nature in such tranquillity that I felt my mind and body reset, knowing that God is not done with me yet, and He has put me in such a place for such a time as this.
There’s just something about being in your 40s that’s different. I will now choose to stop often, relax and reset. Never afraid of new beginnings and some of the experiences at this location may just form part of my reset activities.