I had a very interesting conversation today, and what stood out is how in some way, I really connected with that story, almost feeling like it was a story I have walked through or dreamt about. You know how someone shares a story with you on a call and you feel like you were part of it?. Well, this may land me in some trouble but what better way to share a friends journey that started about eight years ago.
She had reported to a new job and as is custom for her, she arrived way too early before any of the offices were opened. There was a kind security guard named Wilson dressed in a Lavington Security uniform, a Kenyan security firm, and after a quick exchange of pleasantries and who she was there to see, Wilson notified her that the human resource manager she was reporting to had not arrived but he had briefed the security team of my friends arrival as part of the new staff reporting on that day. Wilson ushered her into an office near the gate where one of the employees, a tall handsome engineer had just come in and seemed to be settling in for the day. My immediate question was how she remembered the security guards name and she mentioned that his polite and welcoming attitude made her realise that the work culture there must be one that valued people and no one forgets a good act. You can already guess, I wanted to know more about the engineer.
Wilson introduced her to the gentleman and for some reason, she felt like she knew this guy from another place. I know my friend well enough as she is a great story teller and I could have bet on my life that those two had never met. I was eager as you are right now, to know what happened next. The professionalism, the welcome and how this gentleman who I will call OJ for the sake of this story appealed to my friend. In her words, she said that there was something “extra special” about him. I wanted to hear each and every detail of it but clearly, the deep breaths of excitements and what I could only describe as love emotions for the said handsome engineer OJ kept interrupting all the juicy details. At some point, she paused and breathed so hard I thought at some point she had dropped off the call.
Well! there was a spark, a connection and for lack of a better word, something that was so special about OJ. Knowing the kind of person my friend is, this seemed to be strange as the whole story had come up as she sought direction from me on how to deal with OJ, eight years into their friendship. As you can clearly tell, that spark resulted into something, a bond, a love (as she called it) that was deep yet unclear. I am not a counsellor or a therapist so I could not really understand how and what to respond. But something came into my mind and I hope any counsellor or therapist reading this will read my disclaimer in the previous sentence. Turned out that OJ and my friend had developed a very strong bond over the years and many times, each of them would withhold their “truth” from each other and had gone through different seasons, both good and bad seasons, and each blamed the other for not having ended up together as husband and wife. That is the part that confused me even more.
My understanding was that from day one, the foundations had been set, though shallow, the two had allowed some roots to grow, but both feared the watering and the nurturing. Eight years later, alot had changed, the roots had grown deeper and to some extent, my friend felt as though the uncertainty of what lay ahead was mostly on OJs side. She needed to make a decision and move on to the next chapter of her life, a journey she was unsure if OJ was willing to lead. As an avid reader, I happened to have seen some quote on uncertainty on Pinterest a few days back, and all I could think about was the seasons both of them may have been through. I requested my friend to share her feelings with OJ, but I also reminded her that she needed to embrace the uncertainty as some of the most beautiful chapters in our lives won’t have a title until much later.
I hope the same words speak to someone reading this and is going through some uncertainty in this season. I would love to hear your advise on the comment section on what advise you would have given my friend if you were in my shoes (of course without the deep details I have had to withhold to safeguard my friend).
God Bless You!