Forgiveness.

I guess I can’t keep running away from the topic of forgiveness. I have never blogged in tears or such vulnerability but this one…I did…and it took so much time to get it done with this song on my background (please listen to it, it may unlock something in you).

Well, I decided to do online church today and I happened to go back to one of my favourite preachers, Bishop Gibson Aduvate of the ICC Nairobi Church. The reality is that forgiveness is very complicated, The preacher mentioned that we want to live in the standards of men and treat human beings as they treat us yet God demands that we be different. He went on to read Romans 12: 1-2 and 9-21 and talked about how we live today based on experiences from yesterday by living on decisions that are centred on ourselves. He also touched on unconditional love, a love that has no expectations and by loving unconditionally, we allow God to fight for us.

I am no expert in forgiveness as I have found myself struggling with the same. One thing that has been very heavy in my spirit in the last few days is the urgency to forgive. I have been reminded of the sacrifice on the cross where I can still enjoy that forgiveness through accepting a Jesus Christ I never met, yet struggling to forgive myself and a few people that I know well but have hurt me deeply. I have heard sermons, checked out memes and received frequent reminders on this topic but one thing for sure, it is heavy and can only take the Holy Spirit to intervene. Today alone, I was reminded through the sermon, a forward in a WhatsApp group I am in as well as a WhatsApp conversation from a loved one. I just don’t get it, but clearly, I know that many people share my pain and space where we know what to do but we have no strength to do it.

As I did a school assignment today on a community development paper, one of the questions read, “You have been assigned to work in Kibra slums. What challenges are you likely to encounter? What are the likely solutions? (10 marks)“. Kibra is a slum in Nairobi and one of the biggest in Africa. For some reason, as I wrote down my responses, I found myself drifting to the extremes of violence that happens in such a place due to the population and thought of the vulnerable population in such a place like young girls who suffer injustices such as rape and how forgiving such a violator would look like. I also happened to come across a celebration of service of a handsome promising young man named Keagan who was stabbed recently in one of the Nairobi suburbs and the pain in his death as I watched the service made me also wonder how forgiveness especially by his mom to the killer(s) that selfishly took away her only son would be like.

Just writing about forgiveness alone crushes me and brings me to tears as I don’t understand it or how it should be. Even as I insert some quotes/images I found on the topic, my prayer is that in this season, God shall teach me and you who may be reading this and struggling with the same to understand it and do it…to forgive….atleast soon!

God bless you!